Killings
by Daviana Roze
Summary: All those people in the song A Little Priest, what happened to them all?


Killings

_Seems an awful waste_

**Waste?**

_Seems a downright shame_

**Shame?**

_What a nice plump frame_

_What's-his-name has_

_Had_

_Has_

_Nor it can't be traced_

_Business needs a lift_

_Debts to be erased_

_Think of it as thrift_

_As a gift_

_If you get my drift_

_Seems an awful waste_

_I mean_

_With the price of meat what it is_

_When you get it_

_If you get it_

**Ah**

_Good you got it_

_Take for instance Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop_

_Business never better using only pussy cats and toast_

_Now a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most_

_And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste_

**Mrs. Lovett**

**You're a bloody wonder**

**Imminently practical and yet appropriate as always**

**Mrs. Lovett how I've lived without you all these years I'll never know**

_Think about it_

_Lots of other gentleman will soon be coming for a shave_

_Won't they?_

_Think of_

_All them_

_Pies_

**Oh, what's the sound of the world out there?**

_What Mr. Todd, what Mr. Todd what is that sound?_

**Those crunching noises pervading the air**

_Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd, yes all around_

**It's man devouring man, my dear**

_**And who are we to deny it in here?**_

**What's that?**

_It's priest_

_Have a little priest_

**Is it really good?**

_Sir, it's too good, at least_

_Then again they don't commit sins of the flesh, so it's pretty fresh_

**Awful lot of fat**

_Only where it sat_

Ah, the priest, he remembered it well. Like it was only yesterday.

"Good day, sir," was the polite introduction given to every man to ever walk into Mr. Todd's Tonsorial Parlor.

"Ah, good day to you as well," the priest replied.

"Have you come for a shave?"

"Why else would I be here?" was the usual jest from this man.

The priest sat back in the chair and waited for Mr. Todd to get on with his profession.

His face was lathered and the razor was sharpened. Mr. Todd reached around his neck as if to start the shave, but instead, slit his throat.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the priest's neck. Nobody ever saw him again, and nobody ever suspected the man above the shop.

**Haven't you got poet or something like that?**

_No, you see the trouble with poet is how do you know it's deceased?_

_Try the priest_

The poet was a little more difficult to get rid of without anybody noticing. Those who had hired him to compose or speak later wondered where he had gone, but of course, he being just a lowly poet, nobody really thought much of it.

The man's blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and his neck.

_Lawyer's rather nice_

**If it's for a price**

_Order something else, though, to follow since no one should swallow it twice_

The lawyer had been some no account scam artist, so no body was sad to see him go.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the lawyer's neck.

**Anything that's lean?**

_Well, then, if you're British and loyal you might enjoy Royal Marine_

_Anyway it's clean_

_Though of course it tastes of wherever it's been_

The Royal Marine they almost didn't get away with. The man's friend had seen him enter the shop and never seen him leave it. They had to make up a fantastic lie to duck all of the police questioning.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the Marine's neck.

**Is that squire on the fire?**

Now, he had been rather sloppy with this one. It was late at night after the man was able to sneak away from his lord. He had disposed of t he body and went out on the deck just outside of the door to the shop. Unfortunately, he forgot to change out of his bloody clothes. Fortunately, only the old beggar woman saw him. Nobody would believe a wretch like that.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the boy's neck.

_Mercy, no, sir, look closer_

_You'll notice it's grocer_

The grocer was one man who was missed, of course. When he stopped coming around to sell his goods, the people got suspicious. Fortunately, nobody had seem him enter the barber shop. They all assumed that he had killed himself or ran away to some remote part of the country.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the man' neck.

**Looks thicker, more like vicar**

_No, it has to be grocer_

_It's green_

Ah, the vicar. Such a good time.

The man had accused him of being the devil, so Mr. Todd showed him just how devil-ish he could be.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the man's throat.

**The history of the world, my love**

_Save a lot of graves, do a lot of relatives favors_

**Is those below serving those up above**

_Everybody shaves so there should be plenty of flavors_

**How gratifying for once to know**

_**That those above will serve those down below**_

**What is that?**

_Its fop_

_Finest in the shop_

The local fop. Such a nice young man. However, Mr. Todd had no need of his services.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the fop's neck.

_Or we have some Sheppard's pie peppered with actual Sheppard on top_

The Sheppard. He was such a simple man. Come into town for a night out with his wife. Unfortunately, he didn't bring his wife with him to the barber. The man was killed and the wife widowed all in one fell swoop.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the man's neck.

_And I've just begun_

_Here's the politician so oily it's served with a doily_

_Have one_

**Put it on a bun**

**For you never know if it's going to run**

The politician tried to talk himself out of death. The begged a pleaded with the barber but it did him no good.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the politician's neck.

_Try the friar, fried it's drier_

**No, the clergy is really to course and too mealy**

Of course, he was killed on the spot. Too much preaching for Mr. Todd's liking.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the friar's neck.

_Then actor_

_It's compacter_

**Ah, but always arrives over done**

The actor seemed to be the easiest one yet. For no person alive cares about the life of a lowly actor.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's arm and the actor's neck.

**I'll come again when you have judge on the menu**

Well, we all know the story of the judge.

The blood ran hot and thick down Mr. Todd's face and arm and the _honorable_ Judge Turpin's neck.

**The history of the world, my pet**

_Yes, yes, I know, my love_

**We'll take the customers that we can get**

_High born and low, my love_

**We'll not discriminate great from small**

**No, we'll serve anyone**

**Meaning anyone**

_We'll serve anyone_

_**And to anyone at all**_


End file.
